I take the pistol with me as I walk into my bedroom. There
had to be someone here, in my quarters. Who would know I had that? Better yet –
who would know where to find it? Stupid of me to keep the pistol all these
years, but I’m nothing if not sentimental. I mean, this little thing has saved
my life a few times. I hear the door close and grin to myself. Someone was
here. I go to the cupboard I usually keep the pistol in to return it to its
place. I haven’t always had the strength I now do. Capsuleer training helped
with that. I fought so hard to be here, to be able to become one of the select
few that get to roam the skies completely free, I almost lost sight of it. It
was difficult to get into the training, much less even get tested to see if I
was capable.
I could taste the alcohol on my
lips as I licked them. I know I should be sober, but doing this – I needed a
drink before I could let him touch me. He looked me up and down like I was a
piece of meat, and I’m sure to him that’s all I was. I smiled my best coy
smile, trying to get more money out of him. What I was trading was valuable,
and I was so close to having enough to pay for my ident papers and passage to
Matar. I told him he was a few million short of us having a deal, and he got
angry. Luckily, the bartender was getting a cut of this, and stepped in to
protect me. I guess tonight wasn’t the night. I turned back to the bar and
grabbed another drink. I was getting ready to head back to Matar and volunteer
to be tested to become a podder; but I needed to wash away the last little bit
of my former life. A man sat next to me, and flagged the bartender. He ordered
a drink, and another of what I was drinking. I looked up at him, and saw the most
brilliant violet eyes I’d ever seen. He was Caldari, of course, and as he
turned away to look at the DJ I saw the port on the back of his neck. Capsuleer
– perfect, they’re loaded. I flagged the bartender down to speak to him about
this, even among civilized circles, a Caldari bartender will get farther than a
Matari slave would in terms of financial transactions. I pounded my drink back
and hit the dance floor, making sure I was in view of the podder at the bar.
He’s the one, my ticket out of here. The bartender looked at me and nodded
once, holding up his fingers to indicate the amount. Perfect, enough to cover
the papers and a little extra to get some shopping done. I went back to the bar
and followed the man up to his room. I looked at him nervously, as much as I
knew I needed to do this, I couldn’t help being afraid. Who knew someone would
pay that much for my virginity?
I dress in the clothes I laid out earlier and glance at my
appearance in the full-length mirror, purposely avoiding looking at my
face. I pulled the sleeves of my shirt
down making sure they covered my wrists.
I left my quarters to head to the bar in the station. All of this
business of remembering has caused me to desperately want a drink. I nod to the bartender, he already knows what
I want. Deep breath in, deep breath out;
I can do this. I can pretend like I’m every other podder in this place. I paste the fake smile I spent so many months
perfecting on my face and greet the people around me. I see the looks that I get from man and woman
alike, and grimace inwardly. I was by no means a saint, or virtuous, but I
never was capable of just picking someone up in a bar to bring home. Perhaps I’m
a hopeless romantic, but I want it to mean something.
I could feel my heartbeat running through my
entire body. I never should have told her, she must think I’m delusional. There’s
no way she thinks of me that way, she’s my owner! I’m nothing but another piece
of property to her. I can’t help it though, I know how I feel. She stands and
walks close to me, raising her hand and cupping my cheek. Somehow, I’ve
forgotten how to breathe with her this close to me. She leans forward and
kisses me softly. I blink and shake my head. How….why? She tells me she has
feelings for me too, but she was trying so hard to keep them to herself. She
smiles and tells me to come to her bedroom later, after everyone else goes to
bed. I can hardly contain my excitement for the rest of the day. I can’t
believe how lucky I am. Someone as incredible as her wants me. I pace back and
forth in front of my door, counting the minutes until I can go to her; finally,
it’s time. I leave my room and rush towards hers. I knock once on the door,
softly, and she calls me in. I smile, and walk up to her, looking her in the
eyes. Then she speaks the words that I’ll never forget as long as I live. “I’m
leaving for the Navy in two days’ time Mikaela. This can’t happen; I never
should have kissed you. I’m sorry.”
Stunned, I back away from her. I should have known she’d never tell me
the truth. Bastards lie to you at every turn. I turn and leave, ignoring her
calls from behind me. There’s no way I would stay here without her. Time to
start planning my escape.
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